Frog Man (Liz Sidener poem - 10/13/1990)

There is a frog man statue that lives in the pond in my backyard.
Although I could never know him, because of course he doesn't speak, I still have feelings for the small stony man. I take walks through all the paths every morning in m yard and I walk past the pond where he resides. He lives among the lily pads, cool water, and all the other creatures of the pond.
He stands so still, so firm. He never once changes his expression or stance. I often wonder how a being could stay unchanged for such a long time. I often speak aimlessly to him about my every day life or chatter away about insignificant occurrences and although he is always very patient, he never replies. I always think my visits will persuade him to smile and if he does, it is only on the inside, in his soul. Yes, I am very patient with my stone frog man. I know he will never change but I love him all the more for his determination. I respect his fate and his destiny.

I long to be the one (poem)

I long to be the one
that you teach
with your wisdom
the tears and sweat
fall off like blue beads
of a rosary
so crystal, so pure
they show me you are interested
you want to teach me
to be strong
to use what I learn
to use what you teach me
I can feel your loving vibes
they play with me
rainbows of light
circling my aura
jumping and arching happily
curving into those ditches
that surround my fortress
slowly and carefully digging up
the dirt
replacing it with holy water
to purify my soul, to calm
my being
your acceptance is healing
the gloomy days are so far away
they are all yesterdays
not tomorrows

Todd (Liz Sidener - 1980's)

Todd is a boy

not a man

He steals our hearts with those sad sad

Eyes

and we give him money

Why?!

So he can kill himself

and we give him food.

We give

only

and do not receive

because Todd has nothing

to give to us

to give

to anyone

He loves no one.

That I can tell.

It seems he has sunk too low.

That he is not that sweet

beautiful child

we used to know.

I guess he's just older.

Worn out and discouraged.

He wants us to take care of him.

Everyone

and it's going to be so hard to

say no... that's all.

We won't be used.

Even if we love him

or whatever we feel.

Obsession, maybe.

I remember the dots

Red on white

the painted face

and all those times we found him

only getting worse and worse

Oh beautiful Todd.

Your friends must think we are fools.

I know they know you

better than us.

You want from us.

Everyone.

and it always amazes me

How you are not alone.

You offer no one

Anything.

Is it your sweet dirty face.

Is that why there are no girls around

Are they sick of your shit?

Being used

What are we to do

Leave you there

Here

In our present time of being

To ponder if you are dead.

To moan your name and cry

Are you worth it?

Should we go, or should we stay?

We did not put you here.

The way you are.

Should we leave and wonder

if you are dead or in a gutter.

Will you sink?

Do you have to hit rock bottom ?

What we think you used to be.

Maybe that's wrong.

But it's true.

And we pout and cry now.

If you have any soul.

Any pride left.

Maybe we should go.

See we are in this together

For now

It's been three years

We've shared of you

Thoughts

and it hurts to see you this low.

But don't hurt us.

We are sincere.

We wish you well

in your....life...

we love....

what we think you used to be.

...thinking... (Liz Sidener, 1980's)

I was thinking about him today

and thought of the parallels

It seems that people say they

are so different from all the others

yet they do the same things

maybe on the outside

but what us to violence / love

< not that they are the same

to be lazy


victimized

So many are...

We go out and do different things

Intentions are clear.

Not always fulfilled.

Maybe I was scared.

Can we have it all?

I know that's what I

want

now!!!

The little man (Liz Sidener - 1980's)

The little man that I don't know.

The little man that tells me so...

many things...

That some I remember and some

I forget.

The little man in my head that

is now here

now there.

To go alone would be unwise.

To go to hell.

But why do we go anyways?

Ask him.

He will know.

So wise for a little man of so few years.

Some days I think I know

but I'm wrong.

Why? Because he told me so.

Sex is the open door to his heart

but to get it would be to

hurt him

to know

you run

they all do

I did

And he hates

or is it love

only an observation

only an observation

Sea of Light (Liz Sidener - 1980's)

The sea of light

pours down in blue

and goes through my

eyes

It cleanses me and loves me so

It helps me

to learn

Those Untouchable People (Liz Sidener - 1980's)

What makes people so removed
what happens to them
to make them so empty and
void, so unlovable
What makes us want them
all the more
There is unrest there beneath their cool exteriors
There is havoc
pain
Do we need to know?
Is that our gain?
To know their souls
Will we ever be so close to those blank stares
vacant eyes
No...but the challenge is there.
That deep instinct in each and every one that forces us to be attracted to this dead light.
To know possibly or to be one who is seen as knowing these souls.
Maybe if we found something, there would be nothing
absolutely nothing
in their hearts and souls
But to believe that would say it's all in vain
Our struggles...
So let's live not thinking so.