Todd (Liz Sidener - 1980's)

Todd is a boy

not a man

He steals our hearts with those sad sad

Eyes

and we give him money

Why?!

So he can kill himself

and we give him food.

We give

only

and do not receive

because Todd has nothing

to give to us

to give

to anyone

He loves no one.

That I can tell.

It seems he has sunk too low.

That he is not that sweet

beautiful child

we used to know.

I guess he's just older.

Worn out and discouraged.

He wants us to take care of him.

Everyone

and it's going to be so hard to

say no... that's all.

We won't be used.

Even if we love him

or whatever we feel.

Obsession, maybe.

I remember the dots

Red on white

the painted face

and all those times we found him

only getting worse and worse

Oh beautiful Todd.

Your friends must think we are fools.

I know they know you

better than us.

You want from us.

Everyone.

and it always amazes me

How you are not alone.

You offer no one

Anything.

Is it your sweet dirty face.

Is that why there are no girls around

Are they sick of your shit?

Being used

What are we to do

Leave you there

Here

In our present time of being

To ponder if you are dead.

To moan your name and cry

Are you worth it?

Should we go, or should we stay?

We did not put you here.

The way you are.

Should we leave and wonder

if you are dead or in a gutter.

Will you sink?

Do you have to hit rock bottom ?

What we think you used to be.

Maybe that's wrong.

But it's true.

And we pout and cry now.

If you have any soul.

Any pride left.

Maybe we should go.

See we are in this together

For now

It's been three years

We've shared of you

Thoughts

and it hurts to see you this low.

But don't hurt us.

We are sincere.

We wish you well

in your....life...

we love....

what we think you used to be.

...thinking... (Liz Sidener, 1980's)

I was thinking about him today

and thought of the parallels

It seems that people say they

are so different from all the others

yet they do the same things

maybe on the outside

but what us to violence / love

< not that they are the same

to be lazy


victimized

So many are...

We go out and do different things

Intentions are clear.

Not always fulfilled.

Maybe I was scared.

Can we have it all?

I know that's what I

want

now!!!

The little man (Liz Sidener - 1980's)

The little man that I don't know.

The little man that tells me so...

many things...

That some I remember and some

I forget.

The little man in my head that

is now here

now there.

To go alone would be unwise.

To go to hell.

But why do we go anyways?

Ask him.

He will know.

So wise for a little man of so few years.

Some days I think I know

but I'm wrong.

Why? Because he told me so.

Sex is the open door to his heart

but to get it would be to

hurt him

to know

you run

they all do

I did

And he hates

or is it love

only an observation

only an observation

Sea of Light (Liz Sidener - 1980's)

The sea of light

pours down in blue

and goes through my

eyes

It cleanses me and loves me so

It helps me

to learn

Those Untouchable People (Liz Sidener - 1980's)

What makes people so removed
what happens to them
to make them so empty and
void, so unlovable
What makes us want them
all the more
There is unrest there beneath their cool exteriors
There is havoc
pain
Do we need to know?
Is that our gain?
To know their souls
Will we ever be so close to those blank stares
vacant eyes
No...but the challenge is there.
That deep instinct in each and every one that forces us to be attracted to this dead light.
To know possibly or to be one who is seen as knowing these souls.
Maybe if we found something, there would be nothing
absolutely nothing
in their hearts and souls
But to believe that would say it's all in vain
Our struggles...
So let's live not thinking so.

Imaginary lives (note - not dated)

To be a pet saver.  Have a house with a horse, cow, pig, chicken, cats and dogs. I would foster the animals until I could find them new and wonderful forever homes.

untitled (Liz poetry - 1980's)

The sun rises. The heat stirs me awake.
A new day. Fresh start.
Living my life day by day.
It's so much easier this way.
I'm coming out of a deep freeze
but its not real easy
I'm just trying real hard...
striving for what I want now.
Forgetting what needs to be forgotten.
Seeing the beauty in it all.
Can't you see it too?
Mixed emotions stirring in me again.
Trying to do it right this time.
To make it work and really enjoy it.
Enjoy those who truly care.
Really truly do.
I know they aren't faking it
They are the ones who will be here for me when I feel I'm drowning
in the rough sea of mixed emotions.
Thank you for making me so lucking.
Growing in spirit and soul.

Today (Liz Poetry - 1980's)

Today.

I am obsessed with today.

This moment.

The time is only the here and now.

I live in the present, not the past.

I see only what is in front of me.

I can't see the time that has passed beyond my shoulder.

It's gone.

Not existing any longer.

I thrive on this second

with my only plans surfacing to fill my present goals.

My past is a tool to my success for the future

Not the focal point.

So I am here in the present.

That can not be denied.

Poetry for scroll and Liz and Chris' wedding (5/1/1994)

We'll laugh

Cherry blossoms fill our eyes

Hearts...

Candy coated spirals interact

Continuously

Blood flows in our hearts

And we cry

Because we want it so bad

Forever

Longing to be that bear

That is held in the arms

of it's Momma

Fling it all away

Leave your cares for another day

Cry and laugh forever

Until the power explodes

And your fingers travel

The mysterious path

Of ecstasy

And agony

...And then they laughed

untitled poem (Liz Sidener 1980's)

Look at the colors
deeper
deeper
It starts out grey.
the anger, pain, hate.
Brewing up inside.
Can't you see the black?
The emptiness?
With just that one spot of bright light.
Hope!
It grows larger and larger.
It engulfs you
or so you think
Spit it out
Get rid of it
Your hope is gone.
You killed its light.
The soft reddish glow of pain.
A bleeding heart.
The dark blackness overpowers all.
It is all.
All that matters.
It has taken over.
Just when you feel all is lost, there appears a yellow spot.
Tiny and slightly growing.
What is this strange kind of warmth it gives off?
Haven't you felt this before?
No!
The blackness spits it out again
but it appears and reappears.
Every time getting stronger, growing brighter.
Then it stays and you no longer want it to leave.
You can't make it leave.
It grows so bright.
It helps you see the good.
You turn a lightish grey, but the blackness is still lurking in the
closeness of your pink locked up heart.
Then one day the other dark ones apart from you loom too near.
They want to take your soul
Take everything!

Ant (Liz Sidener - 1987)

I touched an ant today
he left his scent on me
for revenge I suppose
in the next century.
For all his relatives and friends who screamed in pain
when their little lives were ended
from a stomping foot
or cruel pinching squash.
When my death takes place
They will be the first to mangle my face!